we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
