Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
