are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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