I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
