i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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