No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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