I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
