She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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