you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
