Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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