yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
