never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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