Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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