I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
