I want to stick my p in your. b.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
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