I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
