you're like a bully in the Christmas story
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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