I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize