STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
