You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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