break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
