just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
