I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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