I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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