I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
