I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
