if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Church boner. Awkwardddd
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
