You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
