i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
