I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
