white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
