I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
