The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
