Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Randomize