The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
