Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
