They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
