WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize