Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
