covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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