Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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