There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
They are going to name an STD after you.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
