I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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