Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
