okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
