May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
