haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
