I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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