Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
