i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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