you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
