Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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