I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
How naked do you want me to be?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
