tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
