Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I AM VODKA MAN
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
