yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
