Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
