if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
