So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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