why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
are you so shy because you have an std?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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