Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
