i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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