We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
No subtext here. People are naked.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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