you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
