My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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