Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
