Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
