I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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