i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
