wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
