True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize