she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
