I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
