you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
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