I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
