so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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