I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
