Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
True strength comes from lack of pants
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
