you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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