Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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