Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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