Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize