This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
