Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Randomize
