worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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