is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
