Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
