considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
