Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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