tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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