i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
