my shit smells like andre
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize