I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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