Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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