Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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