get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
