you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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