$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
