Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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